Nemesis

Discursus varios vagumque mane et fastus et have potentiorum cum perferre patique iam negaret, coepit fingere Caelius podagram. Quam dum volt nimis adprobare veram et sanas linit obligatque plantas inceditque gradu laborioso, — quantum cura potest et ars doloris! — desit fingere Caelius podagram. Having had enough of early rising And running around, of patronizing “Good-mornings” or “The great man’s out”, Caelius decided to have gout. He smeared and bandaged both his feet And in his eagerness to complete The imposture hobbled about wincing. Such power has art, so self-convincing Was Caelius, that at last his act Translated fiction into fact. Celio non volendo ormai ne tolerare ne soffrire le varie caminate, e gli erranti mattini, e l’orgoglio, e ’l buon giorno dei ricchi, incomminciò fingere la podagra. Intanto che vuol farla troppo creder vera, e che unguenta e fascia le sane piante, e camina con penibil passo; che forza ha mai la cura e l’arte di dolersi! Celio cessò di fingere la podagra.

Martial, Epigrams, Book 7, XXXIX
English translation by James Michie
Italian translation by Giuspanio Graglia

“Stop me if I’m boring you” — an owl yawns. Photo: Danielle D’Ermo/Barcroft Image.